


Skinny Love

by melpothalia



Category: Divergent (Movies), Divergent (Movies) RPF, Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-17
Packaged: 2021-03-25 14:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30090729
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melpothalia/pseuds/melpothalia
Summary: Skinny love (n.): 1. two people who have strong feelings for each other, but are too shy to show it; 2. a relationship that lacks the love it needs to survive and only exists to fill an empty void.Theo and Shailene have been close friends for years, but when she ends up confessing her feelings a few months prior to his wedding, Theo’s world is turned upside down. About life and choices.
Relationships: Theo James/Shailene Woodley
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by the song "Skinny Love", by Bon Iver. Mentions of the songs "Read My Mind" and "Spaceman", by The Killers.

_Come on, skinny love, just last the year_  
_Pour a little salt, we were never here_  
_Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer_

Shailene was living in L.A. at the time. She loved the sun, the nature, the city vibe. It matched her personality. A nature lover, she would often spend her free days hiking or taking a stroll along the beach. On one of those afternoons, she sat on a bench eating her cookie dough ice cream, watching the sunset. It was beautiful there, the sunrays slowly reaching for the ocean, dancing with the waves before the city lights turned on. The atmosphere made her remember those times when she walked around the city with her _Divergent_ co-stars during its promotion. Miles, Ansel, Jai, Zoë, Theo… Theo… she missed him. They had been close friends for so long, yet nowadays she barely saw him. They still texted each other once in a while, but things were not the same as before. And she knew they would never be the same again, since he was about to get married and his life would change forever… His fiancée didn’t exactly like her. Plus, being a married man, he would have responsibilities, meaning he wouldn’t have as much free time to hang out with his friends. _He must be happy_ , she thought. That’s what comforted her. That’s what she kept telling herself to relieve her pain: knowing he was alright. There was a time she wished she was the source of his happiness.

She had been coping with these feelings of unrequited love for five years now, since the first movie they worked on together. At first, she denied them, pretended they weren’t there. The last thing she wanted was to ruin the movies she was so excited to be part of, or worse, their friendship. So, every day she would make an effort to keep it together. She tried to bury those feelings she felt so ashamed about. She even tried to date different guys, hoping someone would make her feel the way he did. But she soon realised we can’t replace people. We meet new loves, sometimes stronger loves, but to love someone new doesn’t mean to forget another person. 

Having understood that, she had no choice but to accept she was in love with him. And the thought of telling him nurtured her feelings for a while. Yet, soon after that, she met Ruth. She had seen them together. They were a lovely couple: everyone loved her, everyone loved _them_. And Shailene wouldn’t be the one to stand in the middle of it. She wasn’t that type of person… a _“home-wrecker”_. A shiver went down her spine; that word disgusted her. 

Recently he announced they were engaged and it hurt. Even if in the back of her mind, she already knew it would happen eventually. It was clear as water they loved each other. She kept no hope.

But she did wish they could keep on talking like before. She missed laughing with him. She needed her _friend_. It felt wrong to give up on such an important person to her. She took her phone and texted him:

_“Hey Theo, what have you been up to? I’m in L.A. and this sucks without all of you guys ;) ”_

She knew it was already so late in London and that he probably wouldn’t see her text till morning, but he actually texted back a few minutes later: 

_“Liar, you love it there :P I’m actually glad you texted me, cause I’m going to L.A. two weeks from now… I’d like to see you”._

Shai grinned. _“Perfect! Dinner at my place, 8pm, on the 13th? Works for you?”_

_“Works perfectly :) ”_

_“Great. Don’t be late, or you get punched!”_

_“Don’t worry, eating your food is punishment enough for my crimes”_

That made Shailene laugh out loud. She had missed his weird humour. For a moment, it was so natural it felt like she had travelled back in time a few years. Like not much had changed…

She felt lighter. It was a good day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of the song "Read My Mind", by The Killers.

_I tell my love to wreck it all,_  
_Cut out all the ropes and let me fall,_  
_Right in the moment, this order’s tall_

Shailene had been happily cooking for the past hour, singing and dancing to her _The Killers_ playlist when she heard her doorbell. She checked her clock, it was 8pm. She practically ran to the intercom and asked “who is it?”. _“James. Theo James.”_ , he said in the best Bond impersonation he could pull off. “Come in”, she giggled while opening the door. A while after, he came out of the elevator, grinning and apparently bringing a bottle of wine and a bag. She immediately screamed:

– Right on time, Mr. James!

– I’m British!

He promptly hugged her with his free arm while she kissed his cheek.

– What do you bring there? – she asked, peeking at his bag.

– Dessert as a “thank you” for the invitation and a bottle of red wine to make sure you’d let me in – he chuckled, winking. She playfully punched his arm, but it pleased her he knew her so well. It was undeniable that red wine was her weakness.

– It smells good, Shai! What are you cooking?

– Sauerkraut.

He wrinkled his nose.

– Cabbage?! You mean to starve me??

– Don’t protest, it’s healthy!

– That’s alright, I can always stop by the McDonald’s on my way home – he teased her, making her roll her eyes, although not being able to disguise that smile creeping across her mouth. – I like this song…

_“The teenage queen, the loaded gun_  
_The drop dead dream, the Chosen One_  
_A southern drawl, the world unseen_  
_A city wall and a trampoline (…) ”_

She served the food while listening to him singing. He had a wonderful voice. The dinner was pleasant, with a lot of laughter and great energy. Theo liked that familiarity, that ease between them. It felt so natural to be around Shai. Even though they didn’t have much time to talk nowadays, whenever they’d get together, it was like meeting their best friend. They remembered old times, talked about their cast mates and all the wonderful fun they all had while shooting. They were like a family on set.

– Are you still in touch with any of them? – he asks.

– I talk more with Zoë, and I see Miles once in a while. He’s _veryyy_ in love, now.

– Oh? Really?

– Yup. We may be getting a wedding invitation any day now… – Shai joked. – She’s lovely. Keleigh. You’d like her!

They sat on the sofa while eating the _mousse au chocolat_ Theo had brought and chattered about random topics until she touched _that_ subject. She couldn’t go on avoiding it any longer.

– And you? How are the wedding preparations going?

– Well. But honestly it feels nice to have a break. From all the stress, I mean.

His wedding was only three months away. Shai thought he would be more excited about it, but surprisingly his smile faded when she mentioned it.

– How do you feel about it? Nervous?

– No, not really. Just tired. I would have preferred a simple wedding. But Ruth and my family had all settled for this huge, ostentatious celebration, and to sum it up, it’s all a big headache.

– Uhh, fancy… Am I invited? – she jokes, playfully, but really praying she wouldn’t be.

He looks down and awkwardly admits, after clearing his throat:

– Ehr… no, you’re not. Sorry.

– Oh? – she tries not to look too happy about it and, to cover it up, she quickly adds: – Why?

Theo looks embarrassed and it’s almost as if he doesn’t want to explain.

– Ruth is under the ridiculous impression that you and I have a… “thing”. I’m not even sure what she means by that. The point is, she doesn’t want you there cause she’s not very fond of you. – Shai just lifts one sarcastic eyebrow as if to say “what a mild way of putting it”, which Theo immediately understood and made him correct himself – Okay, she hates you.

 _Not surprised…_ , Shai thinks to herself, but manages to keep her composure. 

– I would love to have you there, but if that means spending my honeymoon fighting, then…

– You need to keep your sanity, I know. And to be a good husband – she says, almost inaudibly, her voice almost cracking on the last word.

– Yeah… – he forces a soft and apologetical smile. – I’m sorry.

She just shrugs her shoulders and grows quiet.

– I really don’t understand why she doesn’t like you. She’s not jealous, we never had any problems like those before. Besides, you were always nice, she has no reasons to hate you.

Shai understands it. She understands it all too well. She tries to come up with a witty remark, but nothing comes to her mind. She searches her brain for even an ordinary reply, but she can’t find one. She focuses her eyes on her glass, afraid that, if she looked up, he would see right through her.

– Shai? – and then he makes the question that scares her, the question she has always tried to avoid. – Why does she hate you?

Defeated, she decides to enlighten him. 

– Care to take a guess? 

Theo frowns, confused, and opens his mouth to answer, but quickly closes it without saying anything, while shaking his head, as if it was the thought itself that he was shaking away. As if what came to his mind would be too impossible, too unreasonable to say out loud.

– Nothing plausible comes to mind…

– You really don’t see it? – she asks, a bit of disappointment showing on her voice without her permission.

He just looked at her, expectant.

– Theo, you are so blind… – she says in a low tone, as she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath through her nose. She carefully chooses her words in the silence that follows. She wants to make sure that she says exactly what she means. She goes on slowly, but steadily. – She does have reasons to hate me. She’s not wrong. I have feelings for you, and she saw it right away. I’m not sure what gave me away, maybe I stared for one second beyond acceptable, maybe I blushed with one of your jokes. Maybe it’s just the way I behave around you. I do it unconsciously. But she knows… and she hates me for loving you and she hates herself for feeling insecure. But she can’t control it. She hates me and _has_ reasons to hate me, but she doesn’t have reasons to fear me. I don’t plan on acting on it.

Theo sat there still, frozen, trying to make sense out of those words, trying to understand the turmoil of emotions that took over him. The silence lingered until it was physically painful for both. Then he stood up in a sudden movement as if he was trying to control his rage and started to pace back and forth on the room, shaking. He made an effort to spit out a few words.

– She’s right… she’s right?! What are you…? How could…? How- – she could see the effort to keep it together, but his voice was getting higher and he was trembling while hiding his face in his hands. He stopped fighting with himself and gave in to his fury. – That’s what you have to tell me? That you have feelings for me, but you don’t plan on acting on it?! Then why would you tell me, if it’s not going to change anything? Are you trying to sabotage my relationship, is this a game to you? Tell me!

Shai tried to deny it but he just went on, louder and angrier.

– You had no right of telling me this! I’m engaged! Do you understand the consequences??

– I just thought it was time for us to be honest with each other for once – she answers calmly. – I am not telling you this because I’m asking for a chance, I don’t expect anything from you. I would never do anything to jeopardise your relationship. I know you love her. But you asked me directly. And Theo, I could go on pretending our flirtation is harmless, because I know it’s just a natural joke to you. I can play the part of your confident and best friend. But I can’t lie to your face when you make me a direct question. So now you have your answers.

He just looked at her, his gaze shooting daggers. He finally says while he heads towards the door:

– I’ve got to go. I can’t stay here any longer. I need to figure this out.

Shai stays there, motionless, her wine glass still in her hand, while she hears her door slamming brutally. She doesn’t react, except for occasional sips of her wine while she stares into the void. Long minutes go by till she hears three paused knocks on her door. When she opens it, Theo stands there with an apologetical expression on his eyes. He slowly and quietly says:

– I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled and I shouldn’t have stormed out like that.

– It’s okay.

– I am leaving to London soon and I don’t want to go knowing we’re on bad terms. 

– We’re not. We’ll always be friends.

– Normally, I’d ask for one of your friendly hugs, but… – his eyes quietly confess the anguish he feels for having to keep the distance, not knowing if touching her would make her feel worse. She translated his eyes. She always understood what he spoke with his eyes. Surprisingly, the way he said it made her smile.

– Well… I guess a handshake wouldn’t be totally inappropriate…

He smiled, only as amused as his pain would let him be, a little dimple showing on his left cheek. She reaches out for a handshake, which quickly turns into a caress: he takes her hand between both of his with so much tenderness she could feel his genuine concern for her.

– I can’t leave her – he admits, whispering, as the conversation turns serious again.

– I know – she states reassuringly in a tender voice, to let him know that was exactly what she expected and he didn’t need to feel guilty.

They said their goodbyes and after closing the door, a weight fell off her chest. Yes, she was hurting, but it was an old pain of unrequited love that she had long ago learnt how to cope with. It was all finally out in the open and she could breathe again. 

Shai occupied her previous spot on the sofa, her knees against her chin and her glass once again in her hand. Hours go by as she absentminded watches the front buildings and the city lights slowly turning into rays of sunshine creeping up her floor and walls.


	3. Chapter 3

_And in the morning I’ll be with you_  
_But it will be a different kind_  
_And I’ll be holding all the tickets_  
_And you’ll be owning all the fines_

It had already passed two months since that dreadful conversation. Theo was in London, his days were busier than ever, with the wedding date coming up and all that preparations’ fever consuming his time. But all that rush didn’t distract him at all. He thought that, once there, everything would get easier. It would be easier to forget it, _her_. Instead, at night, the thoughts of that evening kept him awake. He could barely rest and he felt he was going insane. He couldn’t even talk to anyone about it. Who was he going to talk to? His siblings, who adored Ruth and couldn’t wait to welcome her into the family? To his best man? To his fiancé? Maybe a best friend. Only his best friend was _her. Shai._

It was with those thoughts running once again through his mind that he watched the sun rising on the sky through his window blinds. He touched the vacant spot next to his and sighed with relief. For the past few days, Ruth had stayed at her friend’s place to plan her Bachelorette party, and he couldn’t be more grateful for that. He checked the clock: 06.32am. 

That morning, instead of falling asleep of exhaustion as usual, he decided to get up early. He headed to his favourite coffee shop, a quiet place down the street where he could relax for a while. He ordered his cappuccino and started to read the newspaper. His phone starts to buzz uninterruptedly with e-mails from caterers and messages from relatives, as it has been for the past months. He mutes it just as he gets a message from his friend Simon: _“Morning brother, I’m in town. Want to have coffee with me or smtg?”_. Theo smiled. Simon… it’s been a while since he had seen his college buddy; he had missed him. They weren’t supposed to see each other until the wedding, so this caught Theo by surprise. He was texting him back when Ruth called. He frowned. _Not now_ , he thought. He let it ring till it went to voicemail and she called a second time. When she finally gave up on trying to reach him, she left a message saying _“Call me back ASAP, we need to meet my mum and aunt this afternoon, there’s a few things to take care of before. x ”_. Theo sighed. More reunions. _Neat_. He decided he needed to unburden himself. He called Simon: _“Hey man, where you at? I’m not far, see you in ten”_ , then he quickly started to head up there.

– And then you left? – Simon asked, after a very detailed explanation of that night.

– Yup.

– And you two never talked again since?

– I tried to call her a few times, but ended up giving up. I wouldn’t even know what to say… I’m not even sure how she feels about me right now…

– Do you know how _you_ feel? – Simon had the reputation of being direct, sometimes _too_ direct. But that’s what had always pleased Theo. He needed the confrontation.

– I know how I feel about _her_.

– Ruth?

– Shai.

– Aha – Simon exclaimed. There was no need to reopen old wounds. He understood. – and Ruth…? What do you know you feel for her?

Theo gave him a very resigned half smile.

– That I loved her a long time ago. That when Ruth and I decided to get married, I knew what I was doing and I felt it was the right choice. We had wonderful times together, we almost never had conflicts, at least not major ones. I loved her, you know.

– Yeah, I know… 

Theo looked down at his coffee, with the same blank expression that characterised him for the past weeks. Simon made a pause and then carefully said what Theo needed to hear.

– There’s only one problem with that sentence…

Theo stared at him hoping for an answer that would show him what to do.

– You used the Past Simple.

A thought enlightened Theo’s eyes as it was now clear what he felt. He had been attached to what had been and kept himself from seeing what it had become. The truth was, he was scared to face the fact that he had changed, and that part of that change happened because of Shailene. It was no longer enough a burning fire, one of those passions that consumes you too hard, too fast, to last. She had taught him companionship and support, and made him discover what’s to have a best friend in the one you love. How he missed laughing with her… He needed to make a decision, and he needed to make it soon.

He was lost in his thoughts when Simon, after a closer examination of the dark circles under his eyes and his messy hair, exclaimed, not being capable of holding back:

– You look like shit!

And they both laughed as Theo hadn’t in a very long time.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mention of the song "Spaceman", by The Killers.

_Come on, skinny love, what happened here?  
Suckle on the hope in light brassiere  
Sullen, load is full, so slow on the split_

_And now all your love is wasted, and then who the hell was I?  
And I’m breaking at the britches and at the end of all your lines_

The afternoon passed painfully slowly: he met Ruth and her family, as promised, but, although his body was present, his mind was somewhere else. He simply ended up agreeing with all of their decisions on the flowers chosen for the ceremony without questioning, without caring. This fact didn’t escape Ruth’s attention, who had been carefully watching him.

That night, Theo was on his balcony listening to the radio and sipping his whiskey. A song came up: it was “Spaceman”, by The Killers. It was also playing on her place that night… 

_“ (…) And the zipping white light beams_  
_Disregards the bombs and satellites_  
_That was the turning point_  
_That was one lonely night (…) ”_

_Damn_ , he thought. No matter what he did, he couldn’t escape it. 

– Are you okay? – he heard a woman’s voice behind him. Ruth’s voice. He didn’t answer right away. No, he was not okay. He just wanted to be alone. And he figured that the way to be so was to say: 

– Yeah, I just needed some fresh air, that’s all… 

A long silence followed afterwards, but he didn’t hear her walking away. She just stood there, quiet, until she stated: 

– I think we need to talk, Theo. 

He closed his eyes, hoping she wouldn’t confront him. Not now. Not when he didn’t have any answers for her yet. Not when he hadn’t figured out his next step. 

– You’ve been distant, like on another planet... Don’t think I haven’t noticed. You’re not involved in the wedding as you were before, you look exhausted and depressed all the time... You hardly talk to me anymore. 

– Ruth… – he started, not really knowing how to end that sentence. 

– Let me finish. I need to get this out of my chest. I tried to overlook this for as long as I could, but I just can’t keep on pretending. I know your feelings changed a long time ago, and no matter what I did, it was never enough to win you back. I know you love me, in a way… but you’re no longer _in love_ with me… are you? – she asked, already knowing the answer. 

Theo didn’t know what to tell her... he was speechless. He never thought she would confront him this way. At least, not one month before the wedding. She had always played along, tried to keep him by her side, so this attitude completely took him by surprise. Before he could reply, she just kept on. 

– Don’t say anything, please. It would just hurt me more. Listen, we have known each other for a long time… almost nine years. And I loved every bit of it, I loved being by your side through the happy and tough times. I will never forget it. And I would love to become your wife and plan our future together… but I don’t really want to marry someone who doesn’t really want to marry me. 

She let those words sink in before continuing, in a hurt voice. 

– This shouldn’t have to be this hard, you know?… it was supposed to be a merry occasion, to marry the person you love. But it’s not! It hasn’t been joyful at all, cause I barely have your help and have to decide everything alone. Today, my mum asked me why you looked so distracted and passive and I wasn’t even sure what to tell her. I have been making a fool out of myself, pretending everything’s fine, when people around me see it’s clearly not. And we both know I deserve to be treated way better than this, Theo. I need an answer… please put me out of my misery and just tell me to call off the wedding. 

She had tears in her eyes. It pained him to see her like that. She was right. She didn’t deserve this. He needed to be honest with someone who had been by his side through so much and whom he cared about deeply. 

– You are right… I think we should call it off – he whispered. – I’m sorry. 

She nodded and simply said: 

– Well... I guess this is it… 

– I guess it is… 

There were a few moments of heavy silence. 

– I’ll pack my things and stay with my cousin for a while, at least till I get my own place – she announced. 

– You can stay for tonight, I’ll sleep on the sofa. 

– Thanks – she mutters. 

Theo hugs her tight and she hugs him back, both letting a few tears fall as they silently bid farewell. 

– I swear I tried… – he confesses. 

– Yeah... I wish it was enough… 

And there they stayed for a while, two old friends comforting and apologising to each other before parting ways forever.


	5. Chapter 5

_Who will love you?_  
_Who will fight?_  
_Who will fall far behind?_

His heartbeats were in synch with the phone _beeps_ as he waited for her to pick up. His anguish was only relieved a few moments later, when hearing a _“Hello?”_ on the other side of the line.

“Shai? Are you still in L.A.?” 

_“Hum, yes. What’s going on?”_

“Good. Cause I’m flying there tomorrow”

 _“Wait, what?!”_ – she squeaked. – _“How can you possibly fly here when your wedding is one week away!?”_

“That… uh… it won’t be a problem, don’t worry.”

_“Theo, what’s going on? Is everything ok?”_

He could feel the gravity on her voice. She sounded worried and demanded explanations. He guessed the kind of things going through her mind at the moment, what scenarios she’d be making up in her head, but this was not a conversation he was going to have on the phone.

“I just really need to talk to you” – he waited for her response before insisting. – “Please.”

_“Okay… Sure. See you soon.”_

The following morning, he left London. It was a long flight and he wanted to make sure they’d have that conversation as soon as possible. He couldn’t take it any longer, he needed answers. And they were an eleven hours flight away. It was exactly 1pm in L.A. when the plane landed. He immediately headed for her apartment and took a deep breath before ringing her doorbell.

His voice on the intercom surprised her. She knew he was on his way, but she expected him to take a rest before meeting up. When opening the door, she couldn’t hide her surprise and the question left her lips before she even considered asking.

– Already here?

– I took the morning flight – he explained with his hands resting on his pockets.

– Aren’t you tired? I thought you’d want to rest for a bit… we can talk later, if you prefer…

– No, I’m fine. I slept on the plane. Can I come in?

She suddenly realised she was being rude and quickly showed the way with her hand as to invite him in.

– Can I get you something to drink, to eat…?

He shook his head while frowning and biting his lip. Theo just wanted to get straight to the point.

Shailene could feel the urgency in his manners and it scared her. Something terrible must have happened. He must need a friend to talk to. But why her? Why would he fly for eleven hours just to talk to her? She sat on the sofa waiting for him to say something, while he was looking outside her glass wall. It was sunny and hot, and the street was filled with people. He glanced down at some kids riding their bicycles, their laugh was audible from the inside. He was trying to organise his thoughts and find a way of approaching the subject.

– We never discussed that conversation. Do you realise that?

Shailene felt her whole body getting tense. She thought he just needed his best friend’s support, maybe he was in trouble and needed advice… when in reality, he wanted to discuss _it_.

– I thought we had buried that subject.

He chuckled.

– I tried to, believe me. These past few months have been… unbearable. You have no idea. I can’t put it behind my back, I need to talk it through.

At this point, Shailene was getting really uncomfortable.

– This isn’t just a casual visit, is it? That’s why you’re here…

– Yes – he said firmly.

– Okay – she sighed, resigned. – What do you want to know?

Theo sat across her, his fingers locked and looking straight into her eyes.

– That night, you said Ruth hated you because you _loved_ me. Is that true?

– Yes – Shai confirmed. Theo nodded; it was pretty much what he was expecting to hear. He just wanted the reassurance before posing the next question.

– Since when?

Shai gulped before asking:

– Does it matter?

– Yes. It does – Theo said very serious. He went there looking for answers and he was not letting her dodge the question. She exhaled as a way to relieve the weight in her chest, but answered anyway.

– I guess I always felt attracted to you in a way, but that didn’t bother me too much. I mean, this happens to everyone at some point. The problem was when we became closer. I got to know you on a deeper level and started to develop feelings for you. So, around the first premiere we did together, I’d say.

– Why did you never tell me? – he asked, disappointed, an innuendo of despair in his tone.

– I wasn’t even sure about what I felt! I tried to deny it at first… Your friendship became too important for me to throw away like that!

– Shai, you would never lose me… – he says, with his voice getting softer.

– In a way, I would. Things would not be the same afterwards, I know they wouldn’t. You’d just feel sorry for me and I didn’t want your pity. I didn’t want to make a fool out of myself either!

– Oh Shai, I wish you had told me… – he whispered closing his eyes, letting out a painful little whimper.

– Why, if it wouldn’t have changed anything?

– It would have changed everything – he cut her off. – If I had known, I would have acted on it and things wouldn’t have turned out as complicated as they did.

– “Acted on-” – she repeated, mumbling. – What does that even _mean_? You had a girlfriend, remember?! What was I supposed to do, to meddle? Theo, I saw how much you loved her, even though you were always on and off…

– Yes, I did, but I cared deeply about you too and I still don’t understand how you didn’t get that! – he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying to regain his composure. He needed to calm down before going on. – That night you said something that has been bothering me. You mentioned my flirtation came natural to me, that it was nothing more than a joke…

– Wasn’t it?! It’s your way of messing around… – this claim only made him snort dismissively, uncapable of holding back.

– How could you possibly think that!? – he laughed in disbelief. – Shai… have you seen me flirting like that with my other colleagues? Maggie, Zoë, Kate…? No! Cause it wasn’t a joke! I was hoping you would take the hint. And you flirted back, so I thought we might have a chance… But _then_ you started going out with different guys and I figured I had misread the situation! So, I ended up getting back together with Ruth.

Those words made her heart miss a beat. She was trying to connect the dots. And when she realised what was implied, she whispered:

– So, you’re telling me… you had feelings for me… – Shai underlined every word, as if to inwardly understand the meaning behind his words. – I can’t believe this…

Shai was trembling, despite the warm day. She slowly started to pace around the room, her hands on her cheeks, as she felt them getting flushed. Her eyes were burning and she was getting short of breath. She then asked in a cracked voice:

– Why are we going into this, anyways? You’re about to get married. Can’t you see how embarrassing this is for me?

Theo stood up and declared in a steady voice:

– Shailene, there won’t be a wedding.

In the moments that followed, they locked eyes, each unsure of the other’s next move, both unsure of how to behave and who would break the silence first. It was Theo.

– It didn’t feel right. After our conversation, everything changed… My feelings, my plans, I questioned everything… and I got to the conclusion I had been lying to myself. I started to think about what I had done wrong, what led me to that point in my life…

He threw his hands up in the air in frustration and remembered how things developed those past few years.

– I decided to try one more time with Ruth after I was totally convinced you only saw me as a friend. We both decided to get married because it was the natural step to take. And I was at peace with my decision, because I had long ago accepted you didn’t feel the same way about me, and ultimately because I loved her. Or so I thought… – he took a deep breath before confessing – The truth is, my love for Ruth faded a long time ago. I was just not willing to admit it to myself. When I met her, I fell hard and instantly, and I had been holding on to those memories that whole time.

Shai’s chest filled with empathy, she felt for him. She could see how distressful the whole situation was. He gave her a little smile when remembering her words:

– That is, until you told me you loved me. It messed with my head, you know? I was _so_ angry because I realised how fragile my relationship was. One word from you and I was willing to let go of everything I had planned so carefully, so rationally. But I was also scared… It didn’t seem fair to leave her like that, three months before the wedding...

A look of confusion took over Shailene’s face.

– So…? 

– … How did it end, you mean? – she nodded in response. – Ruth confronted me. She noticed how indifferent I acted since our conversation. She didn’t want to get married to someone who wasn’t sure about her. And to be honest, she deserved better than that.

Shailene smiled gently, he was right. She never hated Ruth, and she knew she was suffering and deserved compassion. But deep down she was relieved the wedding was off.

– I’m sorry for not having made this decision sooner. But in my heart, I know what I want. 

Theo approached her and took her hands in his.

– Shailene, you’re my best friend. No one gets me like you do. I just want to be with you.

She got lost on those chocolate eyes that seemed to shine brighter as he spoke.

– Is that a soft way of asking me out on a date? – she shyly whispered, afraid that if she would speak louder, he would vanish into thin air like if it was all an hallucination.

– It’s a soft way of telling you that I love you.

He leaned in, slowly, savouring the moment, trying not to make any sudden move. His lips touched hers softly and time stopped. The noises of the children suddenly seemed far, far away. The din of the city was muffled. Only the sun felt stronger, warmer on their faces, surrounding them and embracing them on its heat. Their lips briefly parted, only to meet again in a passionate kiss, a hungry kiss, to make up for all the time they had wasted. She was holding tight onto him, refusing to let go; his arms surrounded her waist to bring her closer. They were lost on their own eternity. When they finally parted, he caressed her cheek and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Shai let out the question that kept playing on her mind.

– So, what now? – Theo looked puzzled. – Are you moving here… or I’m moving to England? Or…?

– Now, we go out for pizza – he smiled into her lips.

Theo had no rush. He knew: this time, it felt right. After all, he was with his best friend. They would be alright.

**THE END**


End file.
